I was up too early this morning due to a phonecall (was in bed by 2 last night, that’s early for me), so after sitting up for an hour or two, I decided to go crash for a couple more hours.

I proceeded to have a dream about an old friend. Very vivid dream in which this person apologized for things that happened and explaned they wanted another chance, then proceeded to get very snuggly (just snuggly, shut up Ed). I remember odd details, like going through my clothing that I had brought with me (like I was on a trip), gas stoves/ovens, bathrooms, and that said person’s house wasn’t their house.

I have to mull; I’m not sure what to make of it.

I don’t like to admit my failure, failure that I feel was inevitable and yet I ignored the warnings. To admit to the world that I screwed up is hard.

I don’t trust easily…I was accused numerous times of not trusting enough. Ironically, I trusted too much and it landed me in this situation.

That’s all I want to say about it.

This has been bothering me.

A few people have talked to me since I moved. One of them has been internet MIA for months, and I know why so I don’t hold his lack of communication against him. The other two have been supportive.

But if you start to wonder why nobody’s commenting on your blog or emailing you…well maybe I’d try it if in the last 3 months the one time you bothered to say anything to me wasn’t just a slightly impersonal mass-email you sent 2 months ago.

There are events in life who show you who your friends are.

Pictars.

I has my computer, I has internets. Possibly I will be not as missing.

I don’t know why so many people fail to understand how percentages work.

Example: Let’s say you have discounts you can combine at a department store. You have a card for 15% off, and you can use your store credit card for an extra 30% off.

You’re not getting 45% off, because they don’t add them all up and take them as one big discount (duh); you’re only getting 40.5% off.

Simple math: your total is $100 before discounts. Let’s take the 15% off and it becomes $85. Now take the other 30% off the $85, and you get $59.50. Subtract $59.50 from $100, and you get $40.50.

Or you can do it the other way, and 30% off $100 becomes $70, then 15% off of $70 becomes $59.50, which is still 40.5%.

Another example: A $100 item is on clearance. Clearance merchandise is 70% off the day you go shopping; red tickets have taken 50% off, and the register takes the rest off automatically. The register doesn’t discount 20%, it discounts 40%.

$100 - 50% = $50, $50 - 20% = $40. 100 - 40 = 60.
$100 - 50% = $50, $50 - 40% = $30. 100 - 30 = 70.

And yet we still have fully grown adults who insist 1/3 = 30%.

Well, LJ suspended my OpenID account; I assume it was for me calling a friend of a friend on her cuntiness towards our mutual friend (and in general), and in her cuntiness she (assumingly) pissed and moaned to LJ because if she didn’t get sympathy, the Earth might blow up. Doesn’t matter that it goes against policy (as I know it, at least), doesn’t matter that I never got near the TOS’s definition of harassment, doesn’t matter that I had no clue until I was finally able to sign in almost 4 weeks after the incident, I was involved and I must pay. ;)

In other news, I no longer live in Minneapolis; I’ve moved to New Mexico. I am halfway up the side of a mountain, 7,000-8,000 feet above sea level. It snowed the night before last, even, but it wasn’t cold enough for any of it to stay.

Meetings with doctors pending due to relocation. :P

Bloodwork came back fine.

They want me back in for more so they can check for anemia, hepatitis, and who knows what else.

Damnit.

New bloodwork a week ago; uptake tests instead of TSH. Haven’t heard from them about the results yet, but they should’ve been in by now. Why am I scared that they’ll figure out what’s really wrong with me, why am I scared of what’s wrong? Why am I scared that Hashi’s is the best possible diagnosis and I won’t get it?

I assure you, it’s nothing you’re doing. I fully expected to be sick for awhile, and I told you that. I’ve been on it long enough to know that I get sick every time they play around with it.

Nothing I can’t handle, because if I couldn’t handle it I wouldn’t be given it, but I still want some comforting, and part of me feels selfish for it. The irony is that selfish part is the part that whispers to me that I need to shut myself off from everything and everyone for awhile, that little naggy bit that won’t forget how to push people away, because if you push them away you’re safer. I want to smash that naggy bit’s face in.

Some time back I adopted a policy that you shouldn’t go looking for certain things you need, because you won’t find them that way; they’ll find you when you’re ready.

I’ve watched the rest of the world scuttle about, searching high and low as if their life depended on it, and now I’ll wait for them to figure it out.

*points up* Totally digging the album. Hmmm, unordered list?

• *happy dances* My BDM CE came yesterday; thank you Amazon. It looks so shiny on my shelf. And for those of you considering the papers when QMx releases them? I’ve seen a prototype and they’re ‘effing amazing.
• I’m dabbling in Second Life. Don’t ask me why, as I don’t know, but I found an interesting discussion group last night, so it seems to be mildly stimulating and educational.
• It looks like I’m going to start taking some dancing classes soon. Not disclosing what kind of dance at this time; perhaps I’ll make you guess for cookies.
• Got sick Saturday, been running a fever, still sick today and going to work soon. Boooo.
• Playing guinea pig for my doctors (still?). Threeish months ago they switched one of my meds, now they’ve taken me off of it “just to see what happens” (no, I’m not kidding), and next month they’re gonna discuss with me the possibility of adding T3 to my thyroid cocktail. For someone in particular who didn’t quite seem to understand the problem the last time I talked to them, they looked back in my records and realized it’s been about 30 since April 2006, which completely contradicts the changes I made to my diet almost a year ago and the amount of physical activity I get.
• I wish I could talk about something, but I can’t. One or two of you may hear from me soon about it.
• And finally, just because I can’t seem to not ever post about LJ, after all the complaints received after this Pepsi MAX fiasco (and perhaps helped along by the fact that the user info pages of news and some staff members are completely overtaken by Pepsi ads now), they’ve expidited both “don’t allow people to give me V-Gifts” and “don’t allow my Paid/Permanant account to receive Sponsored V-Gifts” codechanges.